Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
You have to press hard so you can get to the stuff at the bottom of the battery

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Cause you don’t have to think to touch paint and countin stars is too much like math

Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?
If you leave the top off it will stick in the bottle

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
just incase they stick the wrong person

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
cause them gorillas groom him…they pick all the hairs out his face so he don’t get any hair bumps

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
just in case they change their mind

Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?
The same person who was teasing someone for having a lisp

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
cause some folks fear change

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
It’s a tool of the man to keep a brotha down

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
cause we hope that liitle man who turns the light off and on went shopping

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
cause we need to make sure the vacum is working properly

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
They are ninja bugs

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” Well, it isn’t all right so why don’t we say, “That hurt, you stupid idiot?”
cause you ain’t trying to go to jail for chokin a bitch in Kroger

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
cause you need to clean off the table

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
I this one is self expnaitory…Cause it’s HOT

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
cause them aggins just sit back in the cut and ain’t bothering nobody